Fortunes of Grace

This month my wife and I celebrate our twenty-second wedding anniversary. It will be twenty-two years on the twenty second of June. For more than two decades, we have witnessed the grace of God actively working and moving in our marriage in ways too numerus to recount. The day we said “I do” started us on a singular path fraught with incredible challenges and devastating heartbreak, yet coupled with the joyful living only found in Jesus. Through all our ups and downs the Holy Spirit has given us the gift of His presence which has graciously propelled our hearts towards His divine purpose. I can state unequivocally that Christ has truly granted us the grace to surrender to His will for our life together. 

My wife and I agreed to marry one another before we ever met. Our betrothal and courtship resembled that of the ancient story of Isaac and Rebekah found in the Old Testament. Neither of us grew up in homes which exhibited particualarly healthy marital relationships. Yet somehow God, in His mercy, worked in spite of our natural human proclivities and nurtured the kind of sacrificial love which, to this day, reflects His glory in our lives. In an age where the vast majority of marriages collapse within the first seven years or so and divorce, legal or otherwise, remains the norm, we can unabashedly say, “…it was not I but the grace of God that is in me” (1 Corinthians 15:10). 

Just days before our wedding, the two of us performed at a local concert together. I wrote a special song dedicated to the unique occasion in which she and I found ourselves. I entitled the number, “Fortunes of Grace” which aptly described the kind of new beginning God was granting us. We did indeed see our union as a divine arrangement and over the subsequent years have marveled at how miraculous our marriage really has been. My wife and I grew up in very different environments. Born and raised in the UK, her lived experiences differed a great deal from my own. Over the years, we’ve enjoyed discovering both the vast distinctions and subtle similarities of our upbringing. From the very beginning, God prepared our hearts for the refining fires which would surely come. 

Most couples in happy marriages concur there are plenty of good times and not so ideal moments in any long-term relationship. There’s always a great deal to learn but it’s how and what we learn that truly matters in the end. For some, the life education process takes much longer. The lessons of trusting God and one another, of laying down our lives for our partner are often missed. Giving up our own desires for the sake of another’s well-being often sounds romantic but its reality requires a complete overhaul of the heart. The ability to wash another in the word as scripture encourages and provide for the needs of a spouse, are not skills easily obtained (Ephesians 5:25-26). It takes diligence and a concerted effort to make a holy marriage work. The reality is most marriages simply never blossom into the reflection of Christ with His church due to the selfishness of our hearts. 

My wife grew up in a non-Christian and severely broken home. Her childhood was a result of mostly secular priorities and of course, divorce. Though a very common tale it was nonetheless damaging and harmful. Though raised in a Christian environment, my upbringing was more injurious and stressful than it should have been. There was a severe lack of protection and nurturing needed for a healthy adolescence. Each of our experiences, though far from perfect, were precisely chosen by God that we might reach out and perhaps find Him (Acts 17:6-27). This is true for all of us. Christ chooses the place and time of our lives. We bring into our marriages both the good stuff and baggage of our childhoods but it’s Christ who has the power to crucify our old nature and make us His.

I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. I do not nullify the grace of God, for if righteousness were through the law, then Christ died for no purpose.

Galatians 2:20 (ESV)

This scripture is often recited but seldom fully understood. We like to claim it from our pulpits and declare in our prayer closets. However, in the context of marriage, it takes on a seriously eternal meaning. Most common marriage ceremonies conclude with the reciting of vows, a pronouncement from the rabbi or priest and of course, the kiss. The public vow promises love and care for each other with a declaration of binding obligation. The purpose is to emphasize the severity of the commitment and hopefully consecrate the couple before God. Of course, such vows are typically just part of the standard formality and while touching at the time, possess no tangible ability to ensure lasting results. Righteousness does not come from law nor true love from good intentions. We simply do not have the ability to selflessly love each other. It’s not in us and anyone who says otherwise, does not know God. We must become someone other than ourselves if we desire a Holy marriage. 

Then Jesus told his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.

Matthew 16:24-25 (ESV)

To become a Christian is to lose your life. Not just to give up worldly pursuits and passions but to let go of who and what we are. This means your very person should no longer exist but transform into something entirely different. Death is not something most of us like to think about. The loss of a loved one for example, is devastating, tragic, and often extremely painful. Just as we came into this world through pain, so we leave by it. Inevitable and permanent, we’d rather not talk too much on the subject. Yet, to follow Christ is to go through indescribable suffering. The cross He endured is ours to carry. The torment He suffered ours to experience if we desire His resurrection. To say “I do” to your spouse is to say “not my will but yours, be done” to God if you truly desire a marriage blessed by Him (Luke 22:42). It requires an incredible amount of time, years in fact. We must become someone other than ourselves for true love to be all He intends for us. To love your husband or wife is to lay down your life for them. To sacrifice your desires and wants for the sake of the other. This is not easy, and we will fail more times than not. However, as we look to the perfecter Himself, we discover vast fortunes of grace just waiting for us on the other side of the cross (Hebrews 12:2).   

Oh, sister, daughter of this life that I have come to know
It’s so good standing here with you
I thank you for all your love, your patience, your goodness and trust
For I know you didn’t have to 

For we have stumbled down one of the hardest of roads 
And we have traveled down where only some dare to go
Embracing all of tomorrow 

For so long I’ve wanted to see the man that God would call me to be
And now here’s my answer to prayer
A secret, a mystery, this better part of you and me
Is found within the love that we share

For though we have tried to make it on our own
It has never been good for a man to be alone
So together we’ll make a home

Chorus 1

I will give you my life
As you will give me yours
In this place in time I promise now I’m yours
Surrendered to a life other than our own
Our fortunes of grace and time
Our joys and loves and hopes

I remember what has past, what was real, and what would last
The mercies of God’s given love
The grace of life this time I’ve known a destiny I called my own
I now choose to share it with you

For hand in hand we walk down a narrow way
Our lives are not our own not tomorrow or today
It’s time to give our lives away

Chorus 2
So God we give You our lives
As You gave us Yours
In this moment in time we promise now we’re Yours
We surrender now our lives to no longer be our own
Our fortunes of grace and time
Are now and forever Yours